Riverdale Auxiliary: Episode 11

The auxiliary! It’s here! Just like I assume you’ve been asking for! Today’s auxiliary recaps episode 11, the One Where Betty and Archie Are on a Break. I hope you all got that very good joke.

For those following along at home, we’re discussing The Archie Library 19: Archie’s Funhouse Comics Annual. Let’s go!

 

One-Page Gags

1 - gag 1

 

In the fifth panel, Archie realizes without his newspaper all he has left to read is that godawful Robin Hood story.

 

2 - gag 2

 

This gag is not endorsed by the NFL. More concussive events for everyone!

 

The Full-Length Stories

Archie & Friends in The Staff

3 - The Staff

 

Which came first, Jughead’s ant infestation or Homer’s?

 

3a - The Staff

 

There’s no way to know, but someone should do an Archie/Simpsons mash-up. I’m already imagining a Ms Crabapple/Ms Grundy Thelma & Louise episode. Cough it up, Internet.

 

Archie in My Pal the Hunk (it begins in medias res)

 

4 - Hunk

 

If we hadn’t been so upset by Jughead’s persona go completely off the rails in this story, Evan and I might have mentioned Reggie’s processed-cheese-slice sweater. Look at it!

 

CORRECTION!

Evan tells me we did talk cheese sweater. Jeez. Mea maxima culpa. My brain could only focus on one tragedy while listening to this episode, apparently. Okay, back to Juggie’s newfound hunkdom.

 

5 - Hunk

 

No. None of the above. Erase. I’m pretending a deranged writer with a score to settle infiltrated Archie HQ to fulfill some bizarro fantasy where Jughead is the new resident hunk. Return Jug to his asexuality and pile of burgers and quick one-liners where he belongs.

 

Reggie in Patch as Patch Can

 

6 - Patch

 

Let us know in the comments what you think Jughead’s thinking! … Kidding! Don’t do that. But do silently consider all your favourite swears & insults, instead.

 

7 - Patch

 

  1. The in-story advertisement in panel two is a neat look into Archie history.
  2. The art in these panels is excellent, especially and including Reggie’s using the panel borders as physical support. Very funny.
  3. I’m glad the patch “game” has disappeared forever.
  4. The out-of-nowhere horrible minstrelsy situation in panel six is unexplainable and unforgivable. Yikes, probably dead writers. Yikes.

 

8 - Patch

 

Well, in Riverdale, they say — that Ophelia Krutzenhaber-Schnopper’s heart grew three sizes that day.

 

Betty & Veronica in Follow the Leader (or J’accuse!)

 

9 - Leader

 

The comic where everyone is mean for no meaningful reason and Veronica fails to learn any sort of lesson about kindness or friendship or humility. I mailed her a copy of A Christmas Carol and The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Important: Who do you think Veronica will vote for, Hillary or Donald???

 

On that harsh thought puzzle, we close another meeting of the Riverdale Auxiliary. Until next time, Riverdalers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucy Cappiello

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