Riverdale Auxiliary: Episode 9

It’s the extremely belated edition of the Riverdale Auxiliary! Whoops! (Setting up home internet was more difficult than helping Moose with algebra homework! Jeepers!) But let’s get to it! Read on for our favourite Betty & Veronica adventures, hijinks, and mishaps. ♥

1 - cover pic

“Triangle Wrangle”

2 - triangle wrangle

Did Big Ethel start the Uggs fad???

 

 

3 - triangle wrangle

I’ve dated SO MANY comedic vampires! This panel gets me. Side note: I want an “Adam” story. What is life like, away from fighting for Betty’s affections? Who are his friends? He’s a Big Brother and goes rock climbing at the local gym and has a secret blog, right? He does.

“Poor Little Rich Girl”

4 - poor lil rich girl

AND THAT’S HOW THE COMIC ENDS
In the future, when Veronica goes into therapy, I hope she prints out a copy of this story for her therapist.

Betty & Veronica in “Had Enough?”

5 - had enough

Archie readers have never been asked more strongly to suspend belief and ignore the internal consistencies of Riverdale than in the bottom right panel, where Veronica is mooning over Anime Rules Top Hat Ponytail. But it doesn’t super matter, because the silent panel (top left) is hilars. Archie giveth, and Archie taketh away.

 

6 - had enough

Chuck: Would date. So talented, so handsome, so smart and reasonable. Date Chuck. I mean, don’t break up Nancy and Chuck, but you know what I mean. The Doofus Brigade’s time has come.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch – “Fashion Passion”

7 - fashion passionUmpteen. Pretty good.

8 - fashion passion

It’s probably ironic, but the body positivity in these panels is so good. The outfits totally loud & silly, but more importantly FIT THEIR BODIES PROPERLY! The cartoonists didn’t make fun of their non-magazine-cover-model shapes! And Hilda got to keep her chin whiskers! The Archie-verse could stand more images like these ones. Sabrina, loosen up, babe.

Betty & Veronica in “Wet & Wonderful”

10 - wet and won

“Shut up, Archie!” is the new “Eat your chicken, Lil Archie!”

11 - wet and won

Soon there will be a massive wall between Riverdale and Mexico, and Archie won’t have to worry about anymore dates south of the border. Lucky.

12 - wet and won

This is legitimately my perfect date.

13 - wet and won

Maybe this takes place in a future where robots do all the work and capitalism is just about dead and 70s/80s fashion is making a comeback. Archie is still a jerky doofball. Natch.

Lucy Cappiello

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