Riverdale Auxiliary: Episode 7

Welcome to new and returning Radio Free Riverdale fans! It’s the seventh edition of the Riverdale Auxiliary, and although the issue was a Jumbo, I’ve kept the auxiliary to a digestible length. No one likes long meetings, right? Right. Okay, on with it!

 

The Page 45 Game, in which you open up the book closest to you to page 45 and the first line of text represents your love life. I tried it with this issue, and voilà!…submitted without (further) comment:

2 Page 45

 

 

Also, this week, let’s include the one-page gags!

3 gag3a gag

 

In a feat of coincidence, Evan and I both chose gags with confusing punchlines, but especially Evan’s. We like a little mystery in our lives, I think.

 

 

 

 

 

The Stories

4 TYCandBIT1

No has ever issued me a dance-vitation or gotten down on one knee to prom-pose. I was actually proposed to on a first date, though, so I think I’m even-stephen with the universe.

 

4a TYCandBIT2

Juggie as romantic advisor. But then he Cyrano de Bergerac’d himself. Could happen to anyone.

 

5 josie

The inaugural “Josie”, at least to RFR, features a lot of unfortunate body-/slut-shaming. But among the hijinks and sight gags that is the caterpillar emerges a cautionary-tale butterfly for contemporary feminism. No, you’re a laboured metaphor.

 

5a josie0001

It’s like capitalism and the patriarchy are…not always good???

PS As a wise friend reminded everyone, a bikini bod is just a bod with a bikini on it.

 

6a art0001

Do you think Veronica apologized afterward or do you think she pretended it never happened or do you think she tried to have the portrait professionally restored? Maybe she tries to make up for her behaviour by hiring Betty to paint a portrait of her to give to Archie, which Veronica presents to Arch sight unseen, and the reveal is that Betty has painted herself and Archie locked in a big smoochfest. It’s very Ross and Rachel and Paolo. Or Ross and Rachel and Emily. Or Ross and Rachel and Julie. I hear that Friends reunion was a wash, eh?

 

7 plaid0001

For real, the in-unison, robotic, staff-plaided HELLO, MISS COOPER! is creepy as shit, but the second panel is the best. Surprise?! YOU INVITED ME, PSYCHO! hahahahahahahahahahaha <3

 

8 coach0001

Robin is tops. What a great character. Reggie, though…

 

8a coach0001

In a turn of events, Archie serves as moral compass here. Unfamiliar territory for him, but thanks for rising to the occasion, Arch. Anyway, Reggie grandstands, making a fool of himself and Robin tells him he’s as good a player as a hot dog. Perfect.

 

Meeting adjourned! What a fun epi! We’ll see you back here next time and with a surprise in store! Bye!

Lucy Cappiello

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